You really coming over, don't trick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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