your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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