Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
