the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
