new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we're so committed to being not committed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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