I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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