He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
