Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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