Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
