cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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