Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
