this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
