Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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