So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
