Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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