so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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