Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
