I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
