you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
