I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
