Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
