Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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