he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
