At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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