Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
