I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
