OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
