Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize