his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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