Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
