Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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