I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
