i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
