fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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