At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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