please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
