Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
