i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize