I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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