That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
