the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
