Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
