And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
