I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Come share oat with me in your robe
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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