Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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