Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
