Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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