Please, let me fuck your mom
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
