Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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