The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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