we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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