im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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