i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
