Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
