worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
