I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
