Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
