I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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