Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just invented taco cereal.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
