i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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