let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
