i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
