im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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