haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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