i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
