BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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