thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
