If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
that is very illegal...i love you.
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