This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
