My underwear smells like fireworks.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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