so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
