Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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