Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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