pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
