She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
