I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
