GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
