i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
