I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
